Alone in a Train Full of People
I have been exhausted over the past week. I even tweeted yesterday: “I have to rub ice around my eyes to keep them open. So tired!” I realize I can’t take it, it’s too much. I need to rethink this new life and reorganize my timetable.
But I think the main thing that’s been killin’ me is my lack of “thinking time”. All I need is some peace. It’s so tiring to be out the whole day, then doing music music music, and when I come home, I still hear music because my sisters are practicing. Ahh! I barely have time for quietness. Now I realize how important my “thinking time” is. Like my dad said, “You are the product of your thoughts.” I am very much a thinking person.
It is amazing how we can talk to ourselves. Silent talk, no one can hear that inner voice. It’s what keeps me alive. We are nothing without our thoughts.
Yesterday, while in the train, I typed a note on my phone:
I am on a train, surrounded by a cacophony of human voices. I can make out none of them. Only the voice in my head speaks. Although I am on a train full of people, I am alone.
I try to find some quiet and peace inside. But I’ve lost it. My mind is clouded over. I'm too tired to carry on a purposeful train of thought. How am I gonna’ get through the rest of the year if this is my 3rd week and I’m already feeling so tired? I realize I need to rethink everything. I need to find my bearings again and get a clear direction. Or else I cannot advance, I cannot improve my music.
For the past 3 weeks I’ve been trying to practice as much as time permits. But it’s been difficult to manage and keep everything together. It’s like picking up many things at one time, and inevitably, some things fall out of my grasp. When I try to pick one up, something else falls out! So I need to stop. Put it all down, sort everything properly, and start again. I can’t do everything half-half. I feel too tired mentally and physically. And really, if I’m tired mentally, I am practically half dead.
Well that’s my life now. It’s not a bad thing – I just need to adapt to this new life. I am very much enjoying it – so much learning, everyday music, doing what I love – what more can I ask for? I just need to trust God always and wait on Him. No use pushing so hard with my own strength if I do not rely on God. Going to VCASS has made me realize how very tiny I am. It’s a new learning curve. When I thought I’ve gotten somewhere, I realize that I’ve only just begun!
And while I was worrying about all these things, I believe God brought to my mind this refreshing promise from Isaiah 40:30-31:
“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
It actually came in a form of a song. I remember it was a song that my mum used to sing with me and my sisters in morning devotions. After hearing it in my head, I immediately felt the cloud of worries evaporate. There was a little peace for me. And I know, only God can give such peace.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
My First Week At VCASS!
Man, this week has been one crazy week! The summer holidays now seem so far away although it only ended 6 days ago. This week passed really fast. I enjoyed it, and yet there were some days when I didn’t exactly have the best time!
I was so tired for the first few days trying to get used to sleeping and rising early. I never got enough rest only until Friday. It didn’t help that VCASS had scheduled me to perform in the Senior Performance Seminar on Wednesday! I was prepared, but not exactly so. Physically, I was exhausted, and my mind was not entirely focused. Everything was just thrown at me this week.
One most unpleasant thing that happened occurred during the Performance Seminar. I was one of two newbies who were scheduled to perform in the first week of school. Even some of the students were surprised that we had to perform on our very first week. So as I said, I was physically, mentally and emotionally unprepared to perform. Playing halfway, I kinda’ lost my flow and had a memory lapse! Yup, it sure wasn’t the best way to start the year at VCASS!
I was disappointed with myself for my memory lapse, and lack of mental preparation. Although I was upset, I thank God for helping me to recover from it. I was surprised with myself for moving on from the failed performance so quickly. With God’s help, I realized that it probably was a good thing (in perspective) that it happened. I learned an important lesson there. It is only through mistakes and bad experiences that I learn and do not take anything for granted the next time.
At least I can look back and say I’ve been in that kind of a situation before. When I got the feedback from the Head of Music, Michael Sargaent, he gave me credit for not panicking even though I lost the flow. I learned that I need to really prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally before any performance. Not just 1 day before, but even weeks before it. I really cannot take any of this lightly this year.
One of the things I’m most happy about is my timetable. Everyday I have two music subjects, plus practices in between whenever I have free periods, and I only do 2 other normal subjects like biology and psychology/maths and English. It’s so cool to be able to learn music EVERYDAY!!! Can you imagine that?! Haha, it’s awesome!
I’m really delighted that I have time to practice in school everyday. We have over 20 practice rooms that we can just walk into anytime to practice. And there are the grand pianos! It’s great to walk along the corridors are hear music, even though it’s like after school hours. And I’ve been meeting some really nice people at VCASS. Even the principal and some of the staff come around every now and then to chat with the students during breaks and lunches. It’s cool. Students and teachers respect each other and can converse easily.
For the past 5 days, although I come back really tired, I look back on the day and don’t feel like I’ve actually been to school. Attending classes are thoroughly enjoyable because everyone is so focused that they can really contribute to the class and the discussions. Most of the students are “thinking” and they say things that actually make sense. We can have intelligent discussions and productive class time. Unlike in normal schools, where nobody is paying attention, and in discussions, people are simply firing away like “headless chickens”.
It is pretty interesting to study at VCASS cause’ there are the VCASS musicians and dancers, ballet students from the Australian Ballet School and NICA students (they do circus studies!). They attend VCASS only for academic classes. But musicians are in the minority compared to dance students. So it is quite a different schooling experience.
Yesterday I had my first piano lesson with Len Vorster, a lecturer at the Victorian College of the Arts (the university). Finally, after two months without a teacher, now I kind of have a direction and something I can work towards. I have so much to work on! I need to really get used to performing solo and making full use of the performance opportunities in concerts and the Performance Seminars. I also need to broaden my repertoire.
It’s overwhelming and daunting, yet at the same time I am enjoying school like I’ve never been before. I enjoy the company of people who are like-minded, who are focused on pursuing the same thing, who are passionate about what they do and who also spend countless hours making music.
I thank God so much for giving me such an opportunity. For me, it's still hard to believe I was accepted. Compared to many of the students at VCASS, I am much less experienced and at a lower level! But I know that it is not a bad thing because it reminds me all the more to lean on God and look to Him in all things to face every challenge ahead of me.
Man, this week has been one crazy week! The summer holidays now seem so far away although it only ended 6 days ago. This week passed really fast. I enjoyed it, and yet there were some days when I didn’t exactly have the best time!
I was so tired for the first few days trying to get used to sleeping and rising early. I never got enough rest only until Friday. It didn’t help that VCASS had scheduled me to perform in the Senior Performance Seminar on Wednesday! I was prepared, but not exactly so. Physically, I was exhausted, and my mind was not entirely focused. Everything was just thrown at me this week.
One most unpleasant thing that happened occurred during the Performance Seminar. I was one of two newbies who were scheduled to perform in the first week of school. Even some of the students were surprised that we had to perform on our very first week. So as I said, I was physically, mentally and emotionally unprepared to perform. Playing halfway, I kinda’ lost my flow and had a memory lapse! Yup, it sure wasn’t the best way to start the year at VCASS!
I was disappointed with myself for my memory lapse, and lack of mental preparation. Although I was upset, I thank God for helping me to recover from it. I was surprised with myself for moving on from the failed performance so quickly. With God’s help, I realized that it probably was a good thing (in perspective) that it happened. I learned an important lesson there. It is only through mistakes and bad experiences that I learn and do not take anything for granted the next time.
At least I can look back and say I’ve been in that kind of a situation before. When I got the feedback from the Head of Music, Michael Sargaent, he gave me credit for not panicking even though I lost the flow. I learned that I need to really prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally before any performance. Not just 1 day before, but even weeks before it. I really cannot take any of this lightly this year.
One of the things I’m most happy about is my timetable. Everyday I have two music subjects, plus practices in between whenever I have free periods, and I only do 2 other normal subjects like biology and psychology/maths and English. It’s so cool to be able to learn music EVERYDAY!!! Can you imagine that?! Haha, it’s awesome!
I’m really delighted that I have time to practice in school everyday. We have over 20 practice rooms that we can just walk into anytime to practice. And there are the grand pianos! It’s great to walk along the corridors are hear music, even though it’s like after school hours. And I’ve been meeting some really nice people at VCASS. Even the principal and some of the staff come around every now and then to chat with the students during breaks and lunches. It’s cool. Students and teachers respect each other and can converse easily.
For the past 5 days, although I come back really tired, I look back on the day and don’t feel like I’ve actually been to school. Attending classes are thoroughly enjoyable because everyone is so focused that they can really contribute to the class and the discussions. Most of the students are “thinking” and they say things that actually make sense. We can have intelligent discussions and productive class time. Unlike in normal schools, where nobody is paying attention, and in discussions, people are simply firing away like “headless chickens”.
It is pretty interesting to study at VCASS cause’ there are the VCASS musicians and dancers, ballet students from the Australian Ballet School and NICA students (they do circus studies!). They attend VCASS only for academic classes. But musicians are in the minority compared to dance students. So it is quite a different schooling experience.
Yesterday I had my first piano lesson with Len Vorster, a lecturer at the Victorian College of the Arts (the university). Finally, after two months without a teacher, now I kind of have a direction and something I can work towards. I have so much to work on! I need to really get used to performing solo and making full use of the performance opportunities in concerts and the Performance Seminars. I also need to broaden my repertoire.
It’s overwhelming and daunting, yet at the same time I am enjoying school like I’ve never been before. I enjoy the company of people who are like-minded, who are focused on pursuing the same thing, who are passionate about what they do and who also spend countless hours making music.
I thank God so much for giving me such an opportunity. For me, it's still hard to believe I was accepted. Compared to many of the students at VCASS, I am much less experienced and at a lower level! But I know that it is not a bad thing because it reminds me all the more to lean on God and look to Him in all things to face every challenge ahead of me.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tomorrow Draws Nigh
I just finished packing for my first day at VCASS tomorrow. The best thing I realized is I don’t have to don the dreaded uniform no more! Yay, just so happy. :D I felt I needed to write something before a significant day. February 1st kinda’ officially kick starts 2010 for me.
It’s hard to believe that a few months back I had my mind whirling, and my hands wrenching, praying God would allow me this opportunity to be accepted to school in VCASS. And after I got it, I imagined the day would come when it’ll all start. Now it’s here! Thank God for the satisfying summer break. I went to all the places I wanted to explore, I spent all the time I needed with the people I love most, and I photographed all the moments I could possibly wish to see – what more can I ask for?
Well now it's 2010, it’s a whole new ball game this year. I haven’t an inkling what will happen, who I’ll really make friends with, what kind of music teachers I’d get, or… how I’d get up in winter. But oh boy, I’m nevertheless just so glad for this change! It’s a new adventure, and once again, I’m venturing out on my own to discover what it’s gonna’ be like. May God be my guide always!
I really hope and pray that I will be given a good, dedicated and fun piano teacher, who’s so passionate about music that after each lesson, I’ll be going home inspired and refreshed. I am thankful to God that I had such a teacher in Blackburn High last year. I hope this year will be as memorable, as challenging, and as rewarding.
I am also terribly excited to meet new people once again. This time hopefully I will meet even more people who share similar values and passions, and who are like-minded about music and everything else under the sun. Whee. I think I’m just pumping myself up for tomorrow. :D Haha. I want this to be a good start. I want my whole heart and mind to be part of it, and my family to be part of it. Most of all, I want God to be part of it, to take the whole of it and turn this experience into something even more memorable and extraordinary.
I hope I will not just be pumped up today, or tomorrow, or whenever the day’s all sunny and pretty. No, I hope there’ll be this driving force in my heart, mind, and soul, that will get me through all the cold, rainy days, and all the challenges that come my way. Tomorrow draws nigh, and I am not entirely prepared, but that’s what life is about. I just gotta’ do my best, reach for the highest, and leave the rest to God.
I wanna’ thoroughly enjoy this year. To live NOW, the moment when I am truly alive. I want to give the time that I have now, back to God, that I may live a meaningful, purposeful existence. Let me not turn to the left nor to the right, but to keep my focus, to fix my heart and mind on Jesus. And on the things that matter – truly matter, in God’s sight. And though I will forget this, may God remind me every now and then to reach for the things that will count for eternity.
Wahoo! Come what may, tomorrow will be a good day!
I just finished packing for my first day at VCASS tomorrow. The best thing I realized is I don’t have to don the dreaded uniform no more! Yay, just so happy. :D I felt I needed to write something before a significant day. February 1st kinda’ officially kick starts 2010 for me.
It’s hard to believe that a few months back I had my mind whirling, and my hands wrenching, praying God would allow me this opportunity to be accepted to school in VCASS. And after I got it, I imagined the day would come when it’ll all start. Now it’s here! Thank God for the satisfying summer break. I went to all the places I wanted to explore, I spent all the time I needed with the people I love most, and I photographed all the moments I could possibly wish to see – what more can I ask for?
Well now it's 2010, it’s a whole new ball game this year. I haven’t an inkling what will happen, who I’ll really make friends with, what kind of music teachers I’d get, or… how I’d get up in winter. But oh boy, I’m nevertheless just so glad for this change! It’s a new adventure, and once again, I’m venturing out on my own to discover what it’s gonna’ be like. May God be my guide always!
I really hope and pray that I will be given a good, dedicated and fun piano teacher, who’s so passionate about music that after each lesson, I’ll be going home inspired and refreshed. I am thankful to God that I had such a teacher in Blackburn High last year. I hope this year will be as memorable, as challenging, and as rewarding.
I am also terribly excited to meet new people once again. This time hopefully I will meet even more people who share similar values and passions, and who are like-minded about music and everything else under the sun. Whee. I think I’m just pumping myself up for tomorrow. :D Haha. I want this to be a good start. I want my whole heart and mind to be part of it, and my family to be part of it. Most of all, I want God to be part of it, to take the whole of it and turn this experience into something even more memorable and extraordinary.
I hope I will not just be pumped up today, or tomorrow, or whenever the day’s all sunny and pretty. No, I hope there’ll be this driving force in my heart, mind, and soul, that will get me through all the cold, rainy days, and all the challenges that come my way. Tomorrow draws nigh, and I am not entirely prepared, but that’s what life is about. I just gotta’ do my best, reach for the highest, and leave the rest to God.
I wanna’ thoroughly enjoy this year. To live NOW, the moment when I am truly alive. I want to give the time that I have now, back to God, that I may live a meaningful, purposeful existence. Let me not turn to the left nor to the right, but to keep my focus, to fix my heart and mind on Jesus. And on the things that matter – truly matter, in God’s sight. And though I will forget this, may God remind me every now and then to reach for the things that will count for eternity.
Wahoo! Come what may, tomorrow will be a good day!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
My Nokia E71
Well guess what, my dad recently signed me up for a phone plan. I got a Nokia E71 with it! Believe it or not, it’s my first NEW phone ever. I’ve had 2 hand-me-downs ever since. But anyway, I didn’t mind those. Believe it or not, I think I’ve never asked my parents for a new phone. Well, not only until recently – and that was because I could barely scroll up or down with the old broke phone! Haha.
Must say, I am really so grateful that I finally have a new phone. It’s brilliant! I love the design and the QWERTY keyboard. It’s metallic and white. And I am embarrassed to admit that I’m actually worried about having to handle this phone… simply because I don’t think I’d be able to properly remember how to use all the various applications and functions! Plus, I’m quite absentminded and I never treat phones as my “baby” or my “lifeline” like many people do. Hahaha.
Seriously, I’ve never really been into all these stuff. I’d prefer an ordinary “simple” phone than say, an iPhone, perhaps. Yeah yeah, the one everyone’s raving about! Sorry, I probably am a bit “off in the head”. :P But seriously, I think it has so many games and functions and applications on it that I’d be afraid to use it!
But of course, if I really think something is so worth my time, I would make time to try to learn how to use it the best I can for my own benefit.
So before I sign off, I must say thank you Dad for getting me a new phone! And of course, thank You God for answering my dusty prayer about 5 years ago when I wished for a phone (because everyone seemed to be getting one). Ha ha ha. =)
=)
Well guess what, my dad recently signed me up for a phone plan. I got a Nokia E71 with it! Believe it or not, it’s my first NEW phone ever. I’ve had 2 hand-me-downs ever since. But anyway, I didn’t mind those. Believe it or not, I think I’ve never asked my parents for a new phone. Well, not only until recently – and that was because I could barely scroll up or down with the old broke phone! Haha.
Must say, I am really so grateful that I finally have a new phone. It’s brilliant! I love the design and the QWERTY keyboard. It’s metallic and white. And I am embarrassed to admit that I’m actually worried about having to handle this phone… simply because I don’t think I’d be able to properly remember how to use all the various applications and functions! Plus, I’m quite absentminded and I never treat phones as my “baby” or my “lifeline” like many people do. Hahaha.
Seriously, I’ve never really been into all these stuff. I’d prefer an ordinary “simple” phone than say, an iPhone, perhaps. Yeah yeah, the one everyone’s raving about! Sorry, I probably am a bit “off in the head”. :P But seriously, I think it has so many games and functions and applications on it that I’d be afraid to use it!
But of course, if I really think something is so worth my time, I would make time to try to learn how to use it the best I can for my own benefit.
So before I sign off, I must say thank you Dad for getting me a new phone! And of course, thank You God for answering my dusty prayer about 5 years ago when I wished for a phone (because everyone seemed to be getting one). Ha ha ha. =)
=) 
Thursday, January 28, 2010
More Adventure!
Our family planned another day trip adventure to Mornington Peninsula, about an hour’s drive from Melbourne City. We drove along the coast of Mornington Peninsula and passed all the beautiful beaches. Dad planned for us to visit the Point Nepean National Park. It is right at the tip of the peninsula. We took a long, leisurely 8 km hike up to the tip where we could see the whole of Point Nepean National Park and beyond. We also visited the historical Australian military forts and tunnel sites at Fort Nepean, which were built in the 1880s through World War I and World War II.
The day was splendid for a hike. It was partly cloudy, so we didn’t sweat it out along the 10km walk and hike. But thank God for the occasional sun peaking out from the clouds. Later in the afternoon, the sky cleared into a light blue. It was a perfectly enjoyable day out! Enjoy the photos... =)
Cheviot Hill. I love the way the clouds form the same shape as the hill.
Janna and Jirene goofing along the trail.
Walking through one of the military tunnels.
Looking from the inside out...
A gecko!
The three stooges walking up the hill to Fort Nepean.
What a sight! We could see from all sides.
Jirene, almost reaching the tip.
Having a cuppa' before continuing our hike.
It was a old, cobweb dusted place.
Yikes!
!!!
At the London Bridge during sunset. =)
Our family planned another day trip adventure to Mornington Peninsula, about an hour’s drive from Melbourne City. We drove along the coast of Mornington Peninsula and passed all the beautiful beaches. Dad planned for us to visit the Point Nepean National Park. It is right at the tip of the peninsula. We took a long, leisurely 8 km hike up to the tip where we could see the whole of Point Nepean National Park and beyond. We also visited the historical Australian military forts and tunnel sites at Fort Nepean, which were built in the 1880s through World War I and World War II.
The day was splendid for a hike. It was partly cloudy, so we didn’t sweat it out along the 10km walk and hike. But thank God for the occasional sun peaking out from the clouds. Later in the afternoon, the sky cleared into a light blue. It was a perfectly enjoyable day out! Enjoy the photos... =)
Cheviot Hill. I love the way the clouds form the same shape as the hill. 
Janna and Jirene goofing along the trail.
Walking through one of the military tunnels. 
Looking from the inside out... 
A gecko! 
The three stooges walking up the hill to Fort Nepean.
What a sight! We could see from all sides.
Two ferries.
:D
The earth is round.
Jirene, almost reaching the tip.
Having a cuppa' before continuing our hike.
One of the military sites along the coast.
At the military fort.
It was a old, cobweb dusted place.
At Fort Nepean. The strangest thing: we heard faint whistling when we entered. We saw no one. Either it was some joker whistling away in another part of the many tunnels (there's a lot of echo) or like my dad said, there's an old ghost of a soldier... Mwahaha.
Yikes!
It was both eerie and exciting! We really enjoy exploring historical sites. Gives you a strange, awestriken, haunted feeling.
!!!
They were attempting to look scary, or ghostly...
Haha, goofing around with my sisters.
At the London Bridge during sunset. =) Next up, I planned a day outing to Williamstown, which is known as Victoria's first port. It was also supposed to be the capital of Victoria, before Melbourne was chosen. Anyway, I'll have the photos soon!
Meanwhile, I'm preparing for school in 4 days!!!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
VCASS – A Reality in 2 Weeks!
I regret to admit that I am very unhappy with myself for not feeling totally enthusiastic about starting school at the Victorian College of the Arts Secondary School in 2 weeks. I know I am being terribly foolish to allow myself to keep worrying about the 2 hours of travelling everyday and the performance pressure and the heavy workload (music + academics), etc etc. I just can’t help it. But I know I do want it. I am really thankful for it, but why in the world am I worried for nothing? I know my unnecessary worrying is spoiling this great opportunity I am given. I need to stop!
I remember what the VCASS principal Colin Simpson said at the welcome night for new students, “Whenever you think this is too hard or you’re discouraged, think about the feeling you had when you received that big VCASS envelope saying you’ve won the scholarship.” I need to remind myself how hard I prayed every day leading up to the audition. How badly I wanted this change, this opportunity.
I need to remember the wonderful relief and joy I felt when I opened the big VCASS envelope. Oh the excitement, the ecstasy and happiness, not to mention the nerve-wracking-ness, all at once! I mustn’t forget that.
I know, we humans are exasperatingly fickle, aren’t we? At least I know I am. We know we want something very badly, yet when we get it, there’s this queasiness that reminds us of all the expectations that come with it and bla bla bla. Then we start to worry about the difficult parts, the responsibilities that come with the opportunity or gift. How silly we are. No wonder God does not often answer our prayers at once! It is a matter of our own readiness and the lessons God has to teach us before we deserve to have certain prayers answered…
So yes, I am going to try my best to keep a good “balance” of mind. Allow the worries to keep me in check and not take things for granted. But also live life and seize the opportunity God has given with great thankfulness at all times.
I regret to admit that I am very unhappy with myself for not feeling totally enthusiastic about starting school at the Victorian College of the Arts Secondary School in 2 weeks. I know I am being terribly foolish to allow myself to keep worrying about the 2 hours of travelling everyday and the performance pressure and the heavy workload (music + academics), etc etc. I just can’t help it. But I know I do want it. I am really thankful for it, but why in the world am I worried for nothing? I know my unnecessary worrying is spoiling this great opportunity I am given. I need to stop!
I remember what the VCASS principal Colin Simpson said at the welcome night for new students, “Whenever you think this is too hard or you’re discouraged, think about the feeling you had when you received that big VCASS envelope saying you’ve won the scholarship.” I need to remind myself how hard I prayed every day leading up to the audition. How badly I wanted this change, this opportunity.
I need to remember the wonderful relief and joy I felt when I opened the big VCASS envelope. Oh the excitement, the ecstasy and happiness, not to mention the nerve-wracking-ness, all at once! I mustn’t forget that.
I know, we humans are exasperatingly fickle, aren’t we? At least I know I am. We know we want something very badly, yet when we get it, there’s this queasiness that reminds us of all the expectations that come with it and bla bla bla. Then we start to worry about the difficult parts, the responsibilities that come with the opportunity or gift. How silly we are. No wonder God does not often answer our prayers at once! It is a matter of our own readiness and the lessons God has to teach us before we deserve to have certain prayers answered…
So yes, I am going to try my best to keep a good “balance” of mind. Allow the worries to keep me in check and not take things for granted. But also live life and seize the opportunity God has given with great thankfulness at all times.
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