Wednesday, January 20, 2010

VCASS – A Reality in 2 Weeks!

I regret to admit that I am very unhappy with myself for not feeling totally enthusiastic about starting school at the Victorian College of the Arts Secondary School in 2 weeks. I know I am being terribly foolish to allow myself to keep worrying about the 2 hours of travelling everyday and the performance pressure and the heavy workload (music + academics), etc etc. I just can’t help it. But I know I do want it. I am really thankful for it, but why in the world am I worried for nothing? I know my unnecessary worrying is spoiling this great opportunity I am given. I need to stop!

I remember what the VCASS principal Colin Simpson said at the welcome night for new students, “Whenever you think this is too hard or you’re discouraged, think about the feeling you had when you received that big VCASS envelope saying you’ve won the scholarship.” I need to remind myself how hard I prayed every day leading up to the audition. How badly I wanted this change, this opportunity.

I need to remember the wonderful relief and joy I felt when I opened the big VCASS envelope. Oh the excitement, the ecstasy and happiness, not to mention the nerve-wracking-ness, all at once! I mustn’t forget that.

I know, we humans are exasperatingly fickle, aren’t we? At least I know I am.
We know we want something very badly, yet when we get it, there’s this queasiness that reminds us of all the expectations that come with it and bla bla bla. Then we start to worry about the difficult parts, the responsibilities that come with the opportunity or gift. How silly we are. No wonder God does not often answer our prayers at once! It is a matter of our own readiness and the lessons God has to teach us before we deserve to have certain prayers answered…

So yes, I am going to try my best to keep a good “balance” of mind. Allow the worries to keep me in check and not take things for granted. But also live life and seize the opportunity God has given with great thankfulness at all times.

1 comment:

LHH said...

this post serves as an encouragement to me personally. I'm in somewhat the same situation now :)

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