Friday, February 4, 2011

This Morning, You're Not Alone

Here I am, this morning.

I'm sitting at the bus stop. Waiting for the bus to come, to take me to the train station. And then waiting for the train to arrive to transport me to the city. And from the city, waiting for the tram to come to bring me to school. Or instead of the tram, I might walk with my friend. =)

This morning I woke up early. And then I had this very strange, nostalgic feeling. A poignant thought crossed my mind. Wow, this year is going to be so different compared to last year - the first year in VCASS. This year I'm entering school with new eyes and a very different perspective! Soon, all the pressure of juggling 3 hours practice and finishing academic work at school so that I can go home and JUST practice my beloved piano, will come surging back. I feel a tingly, jittery feeling down my neck.

At the same time, I cannot wait to live out my last year of highschool! My EIGHTEENTH year!

And this morning, as I sit here, I am thankful. My heart bursts with thanksgiving that God gave me two years in this place, in this arts school. I don't measure up, I'm not very capable in many ways, but God heard my prayer and opened the door. I cannot imagine how I'd want to spend my last two years of highschool any other way!

As I sit here, I am thankful. In my weakness and failure, God has showed His strength and goodness. I am thankful for all the blunders and mistakes and failures I've had. Because without them, I would not be placed in the position to have faith, not in myself, but in God.

I thank God for sending me friends, who are like-minded and wonderful altogether. =) I thank God for all the days I felt absolutely terrible because I knew I wasn't good enough and it was so tough to keep up! It was then that I also knew, I could LET IT GO and cast all my cares and anxieties on Jesus.
Once I did so, I could do my part and leave the rest to God with peace in my heart.

It sounds silly maybe, but I will have it no other way!

This morning, is a rainy, gloomy, cloudy summer morning. I can't help but smile and remember the cold, wintry, difficult days of last year. On this journey, I am quite alone. Not just the physical journey, but the incredible journey in my mind and spirit. A thousand times I've took a wrong turn and sometimes gone backwards. But my God, who is near to me when I call out to Him, has heard me and brought me back on track time and time again.

I don't know how the others do it. Do it alone. I'm just bursting with thankfulness that I am not truly alone in this!

And you, you are not, too.

Solum Christum cognoscere,
Janielle =)

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