Wednesday, August 19, 2009

So Much in One Year

You know, I never like reading my archives, or “old posts”. I know that if I do, I’ll always have this weird feeling that’s makes me all squirmy on the inside. The writing, the events I wrote about and even the pictures, remind me of how much my life has somehow changed – and perhaps how much I myself have changed. Sometimes it’s a good feeling; sometimes it’s a bittersweet one.

A moment ago, I decided to read posts that I posted a year ago. You can bet that I felt bittersweet this time. Looking at the pictures, I just couldn’t believe that a year ago, that was me. I can’t believe I’ve now been living in Australia for nearly a year. I wonder if I’ve realized the changes that have been going through in my mind after a year.

A year ago, I was wondering where our family would end up in 2009. Now here we are. Do I miss home? Well, I don’t really. I can’t really think of anything that I miss about KL! If anything, I only miss people. The only thing that I think I do not like about being here is that nobody knows me. Not in school, not in church, only at home. Haha. Okay, let me express that more clearly. Yes, people do know me, but they don’t truly know me. Not yet, at least.

So many times I am grateful to know that at least God knows who I am. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone or try so hard to fit into any group. Sometimes it’s hard to not try. You notice I seldom talk about school other the music I learn in school. It’s hard because I just don’t mix with anyone. It’s like trying to mix oil and water – the idea just came to me a while ago. I don’t talk about they things they talk about, I don’t listen to the songs they listen to, I don’t speak the way they speak, I don’t laugh at the things they laugh at, I don’t think swearing is cool. I’m just not into the things they’re into.

Am I normal? Maybe I’m not in the eyes of this world. Am I ordinary? Maybe I’m not by the standards of this world. But really, I don’t want to be just like everyone else. I want to be who God wants me to be. Does that sound weird or funny? Or do you agree that it’s the best thing I should want to be?


teh_walrus said...

Hi Janielle,

This seemed to be the only way to get in touch with you (as you don't leave any contact details on flickr except a link to this blog!)

My name is Joe Jordan and I am writing to inform you of a use of your work under the Creative Commons license that you used to distributed it on Flickr. The piece in question is the photo of Grass ( flickr / photos / janiellebeh / 2194791858 ) not including the URL so I don't get filtered out as spam.

You can see the derived work (which is my own) at www dot grassrootslibdems dot org dot uk; it is in the header banner of a phpbb forum.

I have not yet persuaded the phpbb theme to display the URL to your flickr page (not for want of trying!) but it will when I have learned how to configure the theme correctly. If you would prefer it to point somewhere else (like your blog) or to have the attribution removed completely because you don't like the use, then please get in touch with me at joe dot jordan86 at gmail dot com.

Thank your for the lovely photo!



Hwee said...

HI janielle!

I Know how it feels when the people around u doesn't share the same interest as u. i know how it feels to walk around school, having hi-bye friends, but no close friends to share stories with. the feeling is bad.

but just be yourself. dont change yourself to fit in the crowd. true friends will appreciate u for who u are. u are a really nice fun person to hang out with. it just takes time to find that bunch of true friends. =)

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