So Much in One Year
You know, I never like reading my archives, or “old posts”. I know that if I do, I’ll always have this weird feeling that’s makes me all squirmy on the inside. The writing, the events I wrote about and even the pictures, remind me of how much my life has somehow changed – and perhaps how much I myself have changed. Sometimes it’s a good feeling; sometimes it’s a bittersweet one.
A moment ago, I decided to read posts that I posted a year ago. You can bet that I felt bittersweet this time. Looking at the pictures, I just couldn’t believe that a year ago, that was me. I can’t believe I’ve now been living in Australia for nearly a year. I wonder if I’ve realized the changes that have been going through in my mind after a year.
A year ago, I was wondering where our family would end up in 2009. Now here we are. Do I miss home? Well, I don’t really. I can’t really think of anything that I miss about KL! If anything, I only miss people. The only thing that I think I do not like about being here is that nobody knows me. Not in school, not in church, only at home. Haha. Okay, let me express that more clearly. Yes, people do know me, but they don’t truly know me. Not yet, at least.
So many times I am grateful to know that at least God knows who I am. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone or try so hard to fit into any group. Sometimes it’s hard to not try. You notice I seldom talk about school other the music I learn in school. It’s hard because I just don’t mix with anyone. It’s like trying to mix oil and water – the idea just came to me a while ago. I don’t talk about they things they talk about, I don’t listen to the songs they listen to, I don’t speak the way they speak, I don’t laugh at the things they laugh at, I don’t think swearing is cool. I’m just not into the things they’re into.
Am I normal? Maybe I’m not in the eyes of this world. Am I ordinary? Maybe I’m not by the standards of this world. But really, I don’t want to be just like everyone else. I want to be who God wants me to be. Does that sound weird or funny? Or do you agree that it’s the best thing I should want to be?