NEW WEBSITE

I am starting three new websites to mark my 20th year. This blog will continue to hold the writings and reflections of my years from 14 to 19. How time flies!

THE UNDIVIDED HEART | Writings by Janielle | www.theundividedheart.com

WAYFARER BY FAITH | Janielle's Travel Blog | www.wayfarerbyfaith.com

Janielle's Photography Portfolio | www.byjanielle.com

Janielle's Photography Shop | www.janiellephotography.etsy.com

Janielle's Music Page | www.facebook.com/janiellemusic

J a n i e ll e

Kindred Souls

I love it when I meet people of the like heart and mind. It is a priceless moment. It is like seeing another lighthouse shining brightly amidst the cold, black fog all around me. And I thank God with all my heart for allowing me to cross paths with such individuals. It is a blessing beyond measure. To have a friend you can trust, a friend you can be honest with. To find a man or woman of integrity, of wit and heart. To meet someone who values people, who loves learning, who appreciates life. Man, it’s a one in a million chance.

And I am so thankful to be able to say in all my nineteen years, I have found a few precious handful of such one-in-a-million individuals. Kindred souls. Ah, kindred souls! I can name less than five, I daresay. But the smaller the handful, the more precious and the more amazing it is for me to be given the chance to meet them on the intersection of life. Ahh. There are no words to describe the joy in my heart when I know that I’m not alone.

You see, the kind of person that you are will always attract the same kind. So what kind of a friend are you? What kind of a character are you? What kind of people do you surround yourself with?
My dad always tells me, ‘You cannot soar like an eagle if you hang around turkeys for too long.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with turkeys. It’s just that you might miss out on soaring, and rising above the mediocre. And tell me, who wants to miss out on that?

~ j a n i e ll e

The David Helfgott Story

by Janielle Beh on Monday, April 2, 2012 at 9:05am ·

I'm reading the autobiography of Gillian Helfgott, wife to the pianist David Helfgott. This man had been through the most terrible of emotional and psychological upheavals. Because of the conflicted relationship with his father, his dreams of becoming a concert pianist were shattered. Later on, beset with psychological issues and emotional trauma, he was transferred from one psychiatric ward to another. Along the way, there were people who cared for him and showed him love and kindness. But there were also just as great a handful of insensitive and self-centered individuals who abused David's childlike and sincere trust in them.

By the time he was past his forties, David Helfgott was a hopeless heap of confusion, emotional pain and mentally imbalanced. His perception of the world was 'fogged up' and he behaved eccentrically. Although he used to be a music prodigy, and still had a great affinity with the piano, his broken relationship with his father and his family, the hurtful experience of rejection and spite, had affected him so deeply that his mental perception of the world became 'foggy' and unclear. People who didn't know him would write him off as mentally unstable and physically imbalanced, with appalling manners.

Then Gillian came along, and found herself captivated by David's naivety and sincerity. He had no sense of personal space at all. David would touch people and give them hugs and kisses and talk about whatever happened to be in his stream of consciousness. He couldn't pick up on a lot of things that most 'ordinary' people would detect easily. But Gillian began to like David, and she soon committed herself to caring for him.

This is a very meaningful and insightful excerpt from Gillian's story of her life with David Helfgott in her book, Love You to Bits and Pieces:

His passion for music is inexplicable, because it is absolute. It is not merely an inclination, but an obsession. He doesn't just play because it is his vocation; he plays because when he is at the piano he is ecstatic, and playing for others is especially gratifying. This passion for music is a divine gift. 'I was put on earth to play, darling, to play,' he would say. And what right do I, or anyone, have to tamper with David's passion?

Yes, one could teach him the value of money and how to spend it with care. One could force him to perform a mass of routine daily tasks. One could give him enough medication that shops and crowded streets would not bother him. In short, one COULD make him into a regular member of society, but then his time would be taken up with doing all the little tasks that regular members of society do,, and he'd be robbed of his passion to play, each and every day of his life. It wouldn't be difficult to try and 'adapt' him to some arbitrary standard of normality, but then David would no longer be David and, by destroying the individual, one would risk destroying his magic.

One day at Riccardo's, after David finished an extremely passionate rendition of a Beethoven Sonata, a woman came to my table and, in a condescending tone, said, 'I do hope you treat David as if he is normal.'

'I trust I never bring him down to that level,' I replied. I will always fight for David's right to STAY EXTRAORDINARY and do whatever's necessary to protect him from any pressures to conform.'

Even Supermodels Grow Old

by Janielle Beh on Monday, March 12, 2012 at 5:57pm ·

I once saw a beautiful lady walking pass me. She was tall and fair, and she had the air of a model about her. Her eyes were bright and immediately engaging, and she strutted past me with her head held high. All that aside, the thing that struck me most were the unmistakable wrinkles on her face. She was no longer the youthful beauty she had once been. I could see that she still went to great lengths to preserve the beauty of her youth, and she still had the outward confidence of a model. But the passing of age was clearly an inevitable influence.

It struck me then that people ACTUALLY grow old. I mean, when you're at my age, still young, the idea of growing old actually doesn't come across very often. You often forget this simple, unavoidable fact of life. Gotta admit, it's a rather unpleasant thought.

People nowadays worship the hollywood stars and the perfection of the girls on glossy magazines. But we often forget that those are MERELY externals. What are these people like in reality? Without the make up, without the brushstrokes of photoshop editing, without the heels and accessories, without their grammy awards and accolades? Who is the person within?

I am always interested in the person, the true individual beneath the surface layer. That's why it never fails to irk me when I see people 'hang out' or get drunk together, but never talk about the things that matter to them. You never get to know people truly if you just focus on the externals and on the trivialities of life. I mean, that's unavoidable, but you also need to delve into the other more vital half of the person and talk about the things that the person cares about.

What do people have to show for apart from their looks? I know, its inevitable that the world looks for good looks. And I am not against that. I am not against make up or looking good. I'm merely saying, if you take all that away, can people still see something more worthwhile and beautiful in you? In your personality, your character, your attitude, your words and actions?

Of course, I'm also not saying that people with good looks have no equally admirable character and values. But without a doubt, one's looks will affect how they behave towards others and how they interact. It is unfortunate how society works. Why is it that the media churns out countless magazines on beauty and fashion and gossip, but seldom do you find anything on the lives of inspirational people who may not even care to use make up or buy the latest clothing? Why is our society so depraved of the things that actually truly matter to people as people? Not supermodels or movie stars?

Why is it that the people who are notoriously famous are those who've most probably done a sex scene or succumbed to drugs? I'm making generalizations here, unavoidably. But you get my point. That's the general direction our generation is heading in. And its so bloody pathetic.

I can't believe young people nowadays are so uninformed and ignorant about issues in our generation that truly matter. All they know is the latest pop song, the trendiest fads, the hunkiest actor. I honestly don't give a damn about any of this. I mean, in what way does any of this enrich my life?

What young people deem as entertainment these days is just so shallow and utterly predictable. Surface-level stuff. Ultimately inconsequential. I'm not vehemently against any of this. I'm just saying, where's the balance? Where's the priority? Where's the heart in all this?

A Memory Before Time

by Janielle Beh on Tuesday, March 13, 2012 at 5:49pm ·

There, the colours of reality were fading into a sort of murky grey. The shapes of her surroundings became indistinguishable. The once meaningful sounds began to fade into a soft, rippling murmur. Was this the end?

Still, she could feel warmth in her bones. Someone was holding her hand. A warm and strong and gentle grip. There, it was her lifeline. But were these the last moments ushering in the end?

Her heart continued to beat. She could feel the stillness of the air. Her body held no weight. The world outside no longer mattered. With a settling peace in her heart, she closed her eyes. Still beating, still alive.

The hand that held hers gave her a soft squeeze, as if to communicate that it would never let go as long as she held on. Now that the pain had subsided, she willed herself to think of one good memory from the past. She wanted to let go with thankfulness in her heart.

A beautiful, rippling sound seeped into her consciousness. It sounded like a waterfall cascading in a myriad of different melodies, converging all at once, and yet affecting an other-worldly harmonious chorus of pure tones. The music began to swirl gently in the soundscape of her mind. Ah, a symphony of the heavens. It must be ushering in the end.

No, wait. No, this is a memory. A real memory. The music continued to play. It was a glorious, soaring melody. Not the despairing, lugubrious requiem of death, but a song heralding the effervescent exuberance of Life.

It took the dying girl a moment to gather that this was actually her very first of all memories. A memory that existed before the beginning of Time. A memory that surpassed the temporal and rendered the notion of minutes, hours and days inconsequential.

The Heart of Music

by Janielle Beh on Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 7:45am ·

You've heard people play without emotion before. All they do is churn out notes, even so quite perfectly, but then you know in your heart that that is all it is: notes.

How do we play in a way that transcends the notation on the page? There must be a reason that only human beings play and compose and improvise music. No other creature on the planet quite does it like we do. It is because you and I have a greater capacity to 'connect' with music. It is an indescribable force that has the power to creep into our souls, and even more exhilarating, flow OUT from ourselves and enable us to connect with others in a whole different level. We have the heart and soul and emotional breadth to make music come alive. That is what it is. Music isn't just notes on a page or recordings or pop stars prancing about on the stage. Take that all away, and what is the essence and heart of it all?

I have been thinking a lot lately on my approach to music, and I deeply regret that for the most part of my musical journey, I have suppressed my natural musical expression. It is waiting to burst out in flow and nuance and musical zest. Why oh why have I not allowed it to come through except for the few rare occasions? I believe with regret that it is half because I sometimes cannot be bothered to go through the deeper musical process, which can at first seem like it will require too much of me. And I know, it is a pity. I don't know, sometimes I'm just tired and out of it. So I convince myself that just churning out notes will suffice to please my teacher, or the audience. But myself? No, often I feel terrible. Like I've let down myself, and I've let down the music. Like I've let down Chopin, I've let down all the great composers. And I don't feel inspired or happy at all. It is a terrible, terrible disgrace.

I was inspired to write this because just yesterday, I've had a sort of wake up call in my piano lesson. I suddenly felt a genuine regret for taking the true essence of music for granted!

I realized that the reason my playing often reverts to just the bland production of notes and meaningless sounds is because I am sometimes 'unsure' of expressing my musical self. What if my teacher or the audience doesn't like the way I play it? What if it's too overly expressive, what if I interpret it wrongly? Beset with these doubts, I often decide to ignore my musical impulses and take the 'safe' route of playing the music as it is on the score. Ahh but how utterly, devastatingly bland and boring does it sound when I take the easy route!

What makes music come alive in us, through us? It is the instant when we allow the original moment of creative impulse & intent to AFFECT our present state of being. I get quite annoyed when people turn the beautiful abstract quality of music into intellectual jargon. That's when music is reduced to the suffocating state of mere notes and rules and theoretical formula. As much as all that is 'necessary', you've got to remember that the purpose of music is not to confuddle and befuddle intellectual minds or to impress anyone in particular. I see music as the voice and expression of the unspoken thoughts and feelings of the heart and mind, and soul. If you degrade music to notes on a page, if you just play them without putting your heart into it, your thoughts into the musical story, then it is meaningless sound. It might sound pleasant or you might say that one has technical finesse, but what is the point of all that if the music itself is devoid of the person's heart and emotion?

I think I'm beginning to sound like a hopeless Romantic enthusiast here. But really, without the heart and soul and human feeling and touch, how can music powerfully affect others and especially those who play it?

When I play for my teacher, nothing ever escapes his astute listening and observation. He tells me that he points things out to me (pretty much every single thing that lacks my heart, conscious thought and musical expression) not because he wants to be pedantic, but because he does it for the sake of music, for the great composer who wrote it. And I understand now. I realize all this while I've been missing out because I've skimmed over things, I've mishandled the music, I've been so careless and mindless about practicing. To my loss, I have missed many great opportunities to touch the music with my heart and feel it's song and story.

Music is a matter of the heart. You cannot play truly good music that can powerfully affect others and yourself if your heart is not in it. I've seen many people with technical prowess producing music with technical flair and accuracy, but I can hear it in the sound and see it on their faces that on the inside, nothing really meaningful is happening. I will admit that I do that as well, minus the 'technical flair'. Haha, it is a pity. I wish I would be more sensitive and HEARTFELT and genuine. Yes I think I've thought and mused and written enough, now I've got to actually make the change.

~ j a n i e ll e

Hangin' Your Soul On the Line

by Janielle Beh on Wednesday, March 28, 2012 at 8:04am ·

Graham Nash's 'Wild Tales' album asked a vital question:

But is the money you make worth the price that you pay?
Can you make it to the end of the line?
Don't the wind blow cold
When you're hanging your soul on the line?

What incredibly insightful lyrics! It reminds me of what Jesus said, one of my favorite quotes, 'What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?'

THAT is the question we must all have a little muse on. Life goes on unless we decide to pause for a bit and evaluate things. You don't want to get to the end and realize that you've missed out the most important bits in life, you've lost vital relationships and friendships with people, or you've never considered that in all your pursuit of 'happiness' and success, you have neglected the well-being of your very own soul.

Is it worth it, the money you make, or the accolades you receive, or the success you achieve, for the price that you pay? What is that price? That is, in all your temporary pursuit, you have given away your true identity and calling and purpose.

G.K. Chesterton wisely said something like this, 'We must stop trying to live the life we have planned, so that we might live the life that is waiting for us.'

A lot of us are running after one thing to another in hopes of finding our niche, our passion, our purpose. Perhaps we are looking in the wrong places or at the wrong times. Maybe the best thing to do is pause, and ask God for wisdom, instead of relying on our own strength or the opinions of mere men.

Here's the thing, I realize that I shouldn't be looking for the blueprints of my life or everything set in stone. God doesn't give us everything at once. That's the beauty of how God works with us, and that's the liberation as well as the frustration we face. It is liberating to know that God has given us free will, we still choose as we go, we experience new things. God doesn't take the role of fortune teller. But the frustration comes when we EXPECT God to tell us the whole plan, thinking that's the best way. I realize now that the best way is actually to go one step at a time, why? Because in that process, I learn, I discover the joy of being surprised by God's hand moving in ways that I could never have anticipated! Also, it teaches me to continually rely on God and not myself. It reminds me not to foolishly think that 'I've got it all planned and this is how it'll go'.

Going back to what Jesus said, and what Graham Nash sang, 'Don't the wind blow cold when you're hanging your life on the line?' Do you even know if you'll make it to the end of the line? Some people live as if they'll live forever. They squander resources, talents and time. But some people live with perspective, knowing that time on earth is short, and that they should make full use of every opportunity.

Jesus used the word 'profit' in that quote of his. What PROFITS a man if he gains the whole world and yet loses his own soul? I think he's talking about what we are INVESTING our lives in. If all people think of is money when they think of 'investing', then they've missed the point. How are we using our abilities and God-given talents and opportunities? What are we investing our TIME in? Are we giving away ourselves or are we hoarding more for ourselves?

I think the most important thing to invest our lives in, is PEOPLE. That's what Jesus did. And it makes sense. Don't spend all your life just making a living or chasing one success after another. All for yourself? I believe God placed each of us on earth to bless the next person we know. I find I am most happy and fulfilled when I forget myself for abit, and remember others. When you put the interests of others with greater needs than your own before yourself, it brings a sweet liberation from your own selfish, petty worries!

Think about it. What's your higher passion and calling in life apart from what you're pursuing now? Why are you studying the course you're studying, or why are you doing the job you're doing now? Just to earn money? Just to get a degree? And then what? If you seek your purpose and God's unique plan for you above all these temporary, earthly things we have to do at the moment, then you'll find that life takes on a new turn, and everyday bursts with greater meaning & zest for life!

~ j a n i e ll e

The Good Teacher

by Janielle Beh on Thursday, March 15, 2012 at 7:54am ·

I am fascinated by the way different teachers teach. I make these observations and I learn SO much. Especially from good teachers. But what makes a good teacher? It doesn't quite surprise me to realize that all the good teachers that I've had have been my music teachers. And above all, both my dad and mum. What makes them all so influential in my life and learning and progress?

So, observations.

~ A good teacher compliments me on my strong points. A careless teacher never does - he does not see any strong points, or bothers to see past the student's weaknesses.

~ A good teacher recognizes a pupil's strengths and encourages it. I believe this is the key to some teachers being more 'inspirational' than others. By seeing and pointing out the strong points, the teacher helps the student see that they indeed have untapped POTENTIAL within them that CAN be released. That is IF, they do what must be done: practice, hard work, being meticulousness, etc etc.

This then leads to INTRINSIC MOTIVATION. My dad was the first person to tell me about this. And he's probably the first person to inspire it within me. When a teacher cultivates intrinsic motivation, the pupil realizes that this is WORTH PURSUING because they actually have that fire within them to fuel their pursuit.

~ A good teacher has something to share. Nothing can be more dull and disengaging than the teacher who is merely there to state facts and rules and enforce a fixed 'method'. On the contrary, nothing can be more exciting and inspiring and engaging than the teacher who teaches from his own experience, with CONVICTION, based on truth, on confident knowledge and expertise. The 'textbook' teacher is a dysfunctional teacher, pretty much.

~ A good teacher sets a HIGH STANDARD. There will be no room at all for carelessness or glossing over things. This doesn't mean at all that no grace is given for mistakes and weakness. It simply means that the teacher will not tolerate any half-heartedness. The goal is not to be pedantic, but to KNOW the music INTIMATELY. The pupil is expected to give his best because he CAN. And that links back to the teacher recognizing the student's strengths and drawing it out.

~ A good teacher has a balance between compliment and criticism. He does not put down a student nor does he praise excessively. Never EVER give an obligatory compliment. It is false, it is half-hearted, and the student knows that it is worthless and even possibly degrading. Instead, point out the good that's already present, in the context that there is room for improvement!

~ A good teacher knows when to be honest, but he does not criticise for the sake of it. He merely points weaknesses out with the noble intention that I will OVERCOME them soon enough. That is IF, I pay close attention, practice and work hard, listen and not gloss over anything.

~ A good teacher teaches by example. Learning is about sharing. In the case of music, it is about sharing music just as much as it's about following directives.

Losing Everything Except Yourself

by Janielle Beh on Tuesday, March 27, 2012 at 8:01am

I recently had a very meaningful conversation with a musician friend who had lost her violin and all her belongings - wallet, phone and the lot, while travelling. I asked her what it felt like suddenly having nothing and no one to help her in a foreign place.

She told me with great insight that it was a wake up call. Without lamenting her loss or blaming the cosmos for the trouble this incident cost her, she told me with utter sincerity that she actually thanked God that this seemingly terrible thing happened to her. Between the time she lost everything she had on her, and not to mention her lifeline - her violin - and the time she managed to find her way back to reality and get things sorted, she learned a significant life lesson.

It was that her identity, her person, her being, did not consist in the abundance of her possessions or her achievements. What a great lesson we all should learn! When all that is stripped from each of us, what do we have left? Can we still say that we are who we are, authentic, genuine, real, and fully alive? Or do we become empty shells, devoid of purpose, suddenly disorientated and losing the sense of ourselves?

It is a scary thing. I greatly salute my dear friend for looking at the situation in light of eternity and not the temporary. Losing everything and feeling that sense of lostness in a foreign place can break anyone. But instead of letting something like that break you, allow it to make you stronger.

For me, the core of my existence is my faith, my hope. Sometimes I wonder, if God were to give me a wake up call like that, if he were to graciously take away my achievements, my music, and break my pride, for my own good, how would I react? Would I curse God for such undeserved 'misfortune'? Would I give up and lose faith? Would I suddenly lose my identity and the thing that makes me, me?

Or would I feel a sweet liberation, that my life actually does not consist in what I HAVE or what I have done? In such a time, will I be able to say that there is still thankfulness in my heart? Would I be able to say, 'Wow, I actually don't really ultimately need all these things, I only need the Source of my life - my faith, my God'? And that that is truly, fully, wholly enough for me?

Who are you without your things, your successes, your trophies, your achievements, your money, your abilities? It is a terrifying question. But it is one we must ask ourselves. Because one day, when all this is taken away for a moment, will it break us or make stronger?

The Boy Who Found Himself

by Janielle Beh on Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 9:35pm

No one notices the boy sitting alone on the bench in the corner of the playground. The other kids run about laughing and playing, consumed by the simplistic euphoria of childhood.

The boy is quiet and peaceful by nature. He is as amiable and gentle as any good boy can be. But nobody talks to him. And he doesn't know why.

Sometimes he wishes he could be like the other boys and girls, all silly and ridiculous, without a care in the world. However, before long, the boy realizes that all that just isn't who he is. For some reason, he didn't fit.

On several occasions, the boy had tried to strike up conversations with some of the kids whom he thought might have something interesting to say. But to his dismay, the conversations never went beyond the usual things children talk about. They were all very uninteresting, and much too childish for him.

Sometimes the boy felt overwhelming exasperation at his situation. There was no one else like him. No one else understood him. The adults treated him like the other kids, and the other kids treated him like an outcast. It was all a big, terrible misunderstanding. The boy wished it wasn't so.

Often, the teacher ignores him when he asks a question or makes a contribution in class discussion. The boy doesn't understand what is wrong with himself. Why do people ignore him?

Eventually, the boy decides to keep quiet. He occupies his time by observing the sights and sounds around him. He thinks a lot. Sometimes, while the teacher is talking, he starts scribbling notes in his text book. They are all his thoughts. Sometimes he wonders where all of it is coming from. In those moments, he realizes that he likes writing very much.

The moment he writes, the world around fades out of his senses. An indescribable thrill courses through him. He knows that he is alive. He feels real, and present. He feels more real than the reality he lives in. In writing, the boy knows that his voice matters. He realizes that the thing that matters most is in his heart. He no longer wishes to be like the other children. He feels free. Finally, the boy had uncovered what he had missed all along in his futile pursuit of acceptance - he had found himself.

~ J a n i e ll e B e h

The Transition

Finally. It is over. 

It's the transition now. 

I've graduated from Year 12, from VCASS. I've actually made it through these two crazy, hectic, memorable, challenging years! I am so thankful to God. For all the times I had to lean on His strength and find the passion to continue. For all the times I failed big time and made the wrong decisions. For all the times He saved my skin and helped me keep going and trusting! 

I have always looked at my future in VCASS and wondered if I'll make it through. And of course, by the grace of God, I did! 


As I reflect on the year, I realized it has been the best year of my life! It has been so, so, so good. I thank God again and again for giving me all the opportunities I had! The highlights are finally having muso friends who understand me and I understand them. We share the same passion and drive. We love life and we love hanging out (only after we've done substantial practice ofcourse...). Haha what more can I ask for? 


I also LOVED playing in the piano trio with Troy and Justine. One of the best experiences I've had doing music. The most amazing thing is playing with other people who are also passionate about the music, and who feel the same thing you do! It is the best feeling ever. I love it, and I thank God for answering my prayer. 


How far I've come! The first time I performed in VCASS, I had a terrible memory lapse. I wasn't nervous, but I wasn't used to performing in that kind of a focused environment either. But with God's help, how far I've come in two years! There is nothing to boast. Only a heart filled with thankfulness because I know I've not done it by my own strength. I can testify that God has answered my prayers. The prayers I prayed when there seemed no way out of Malaysia; when there seemed no hope that I would be able to pursue music, much less perform it for others, even much less get into an arts school in Melbourne! 


It is amazing. I remember also praying that I'll get the chance to compose. At the time I was limited. I was homeschooled, I've never performed before, I've never composed a single ensemble piece apart from my simplistic piano compositions. This year God answered my prayer some more! I got to perform my composition in the year-end compositions concert and I finally have the avenue and opportunities to perform and share my music. 


It is amazing, not because I am, but because God is! 


Sometimes I wonder, am I just kidding myself? Isn't all this just my own hard work and effort? I have plenty of friends who don't seem to be praying but seem to still be doing better than I am. It doesn't make sense! And it is a hard thing to write about or rationalize in the context of my faith. But I choose to believe God, and trust, and keep on believing. I know that He's helped me.       


God has been faithful to our family too. The days when we had no money to pay the rent, the money would come in, the exact amount, through people who really have no reason to bless us. Through all this, we know that if we keep following Jesus and holding on to this hope, God will provide for us. It does not mean at all that we sit around and wait for heaven to come. Dad has had to work hard and he's had to do all kinds of jobs. We had to adjust. I had to practice. We all have to do what we have to do. What is beyond us, God can and will do. But we must still do our part. Without God, there is no story. Without us, we are part of no story. 


Dad says, it's always 100% God AND 100% man. 


I haven't worked very hard at all this year. I haven't been disciplined many times. But I'm thankful I made it through. Year 12 isn't a big thing, studies isn't a big thing. I want to do well, but at the same time, I will not forget God in a bid to do well in the things of this world. Never forget that, Janielle. God is your source, God is your strength. If you forget Him, you may gain the whole world - but what's the point if you lose your own soul? 


Now I'm on holiday. I feel free. I'm gonna bury myself in books - autobiographies and Lord of the Rings and Christian literature! Woohoo :D I am determined to spend my holidays fruitfully. I need to spend time with my family. I'm gonna catch up with individuals. I'm gonna read heaps and prepare for next year. I'm gonna practice and also pick up some jazz. I'm gonna aim to acquire more music students for 2012! 


Because I'm trying to be disciplined and focused and fruitful these holidays (3 months!!!), I decided to give up my phone (which is a major source of distraction) and use Janna's terribly old brick phone. Haha man, the good old days when there was no Facebook (I still use it though), no qwerty keys or touch screens, no Youtube or internet access on the phone. So much less distraction! 


I need to write more. I need to think more and reflect and pray. I forget and I am lazy to do these things. But they are essential to my soul! God, I need you! Let me not live my ignorant life and enjoy myself. Let me not be disinterested in other people's needs. Let me not be so self-absorbed that I see no one else. Open my eyes. Help me to live my life right and use my time wisely. Thank You God for this incredible year. Thank You for dad and mum. Thank You for bringing our whole family here. Thank You for VCASS. Thank You for music. Thank You for blessing me with like-minded friends and driven peers. Thank You for being with me every step of the way. Thank You God. 

‘Anthrax isn’t scary at all compared to this’: Man-made flu virus with potential to wipe out many millions if it ever escaped is created in research lab

“For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences and earthquakes, in divers places.”
—Matthew 24:7

A group of scientists is pushing to publish research about how they created a man-made flu virus that could potentially wipe out civilisation. The deadly virus is a genetically tweaked version of the H5N1 bird flu strain, but is far more infectious and could pass easily between millions of people at a time. The research has caused a storm of controversy and divided scientists, with some saying it should never have been carried out.

The current strain of H5N1 has only killed 500 people and is not contagious enough to cause a global pandemic.
But their are fears the modified virus is so dangerous it could be used for bio-warfare, if it falls into the wrong hands.

Virologist Ron Fouchier of the Erasmus Medical Centre in the Netherlands lead a team of scientists who discovered that a mere five mutations to the avian virus was sufficient to make it spread far more easily.
He conducted his tests on ferrets as the animals have become a model of choice for influenza and have similar respiratory tracts to humans.

Fouchier is so prepared for a media storm that he has hired an advisor to help him work on a communication strategy.

The research done was part of an international drive to understand H5N1 more fully.
Fouchier admitted the strain is ‘one of the most dangerous viruses you can make’ but is still adamant he wants to publish a paper describing how it was done. The study is one of two which has caused serious debate about scientific freedom and about regulating research which might have potential public health benefits but at the same time could also be useful for bio-terrorism.

The other paper, also on H5N1, was done by a joint team at the University of Wisconsin and the University of Tokyo. It is understood to have had comparable results to the study done by Fouchier. Both papers are now being reviewed by the U.S National Science Advisory Board for Biosecurity (NSABB).

NSABB does not have the power to prevent the publication but it could ask journals not to publish.
Paul Keim, chairman of NSABB, said: ‘I can’t think of another pathogenic organism that is as scary as this one. I don’t think anthrax is scary at all compared to this.’ Traditionally scientific research has always been open so that fellow scientists can review the work of others and repeat their methods to try and learn from them.

But numerous scientists have said they believe research on the avian flu should be suppressed.
However bio-defense and flu expert Michael Osterholm, who is director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of innesota, said the work carried out was important medically.
He added he could not discuss the papers because he was a member of NSABB but said if they were published certain information could be withheld and made available to those who really need to know.
‘We don’t want to give bad guys a road map on how to make bad bugs really bad,’ he said.

Source: www.inthedays.com

In the Dark

Just now I had a little bicker with my sister. When I retreated to my room to play the piano, she got really annoyed that I was playing past 9 o’clock. So she stormed in, pushed me, headed out, turned off the lights and slammed the door shut. For a brief moment I was left in the dark. I was very annoyed, angry, and then for some reason, afraid. It’s that sudden sinking feeling in your heart that you get when someone plays a nasty trick on you, and leaves you in the dark alone.

It is a horrible feeling. It was a small incident, but when I reflected on it, I found a metaphorical parallel to what must be the experience of countless individuals and abandoned children out there who have had the door slammed shut in their faces; who have been left in the dark – alone, cold and fearful. It is a terrible situation to be in.

I have never been abandoned, so I’ll never know. All I can imagine is that it must be a gazillion times worse than what I felt when my sister pulled that surprise on me and left me momentarily stunned in the dark.

I feel terrible and sick to the stomach thinking about the millions of kids out there who have been orphaned, betrayed by their parents, and left in the darkness to fend for themselves, whether literally or figuratively. No one likes being left in the dark. And you don’t know what to do.

Jesus told his disciples, ‘You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand so that it gives light to everyone in the house.’ Matthew 5

The world lives in darkness because man has chosen to stay in the dark and turn away from God. But those who choose to embrace the light will see the truth and find hope at once! Then again, there are those who had the doors slammed shut on them. They had no choice. They never had the chance to see the light, nor hear the truth, or receive love and hope. How can that be?

Those of us who have embraced the light (if we truly have), should not have our lamps hidden under a bowl! We should shine like a city on a hill, like a lamp on its stand, so that everyone in darkness will see by this light. Do not be afraid to shine. There are many who hate the light because it exposes the things they do in the dark. But there are plenty more who need the light, and who do not yet know it until its brilliance is revealed!

The light should never be intimidated by the darkness. Because no matter how black the darkness is, the light will still glow, even if it is a flicker. It will ignite warmth and hope in the hearts of those who have been abandoned, disillusioned, and left to rot in the dark. Do not hide your light! The world needs it. The world who does not know that it is in the darkness until it sees the light.

Distracted, Like the Rest of the World

Henri Nouwen describes our contemporary lives:

‘One of the most obvious characteristics of our daily lives is that we are busy. Our lives often seem like over-packed suitcases bursting at the seams. In fact, we are almost always aware of being behind schedule. There is a nagging sense that there are unfinished tasks, unfulfilled promises, unrealized proposals. There is always something else that we should have remembered, done or said. Thus, although we are very busy, we have a lingering feeling of never really fulfilling our obligations…

Beneath our worrying lives, however, something else is going on. While our mind and hearts are filled with many things, and we wonder how we can live up to the expectations imposed upon us by ourselves and others, we have a deep sense of unfulfillment. While busy with and worried about many things, we seldom feel truly satisfied, at peace, at home. A gnawing sense of being unfulfilled underlies our filled lives…

The great paradox of our time is that many of us are busy and bored at the same time. While running from one event to the next, we wonder in our innermost selves if anything is really happening. While we can hardly keep up with our many tasks and obligations, we are not so sure that it would make any difference if we did nothing at all. While people keep pushing us in all directions, we doubt if anyone really cares. In short, while our lives are full, we are unfulfilled.’

Now I only have two words to add, ‘TRUE THAT!’

Epiphany

"God is not like a human being; it is not important for God to have visible evidence so that he can see if his cause has been victorious or not; he sees in secret just as well. Moreover, it is so far from being the case that you should help God to learn anew that it is rather he who will help you to learn anew, so that you are weaned from the worldly point of view that insists on visible evidence. A decision in the external sphere is what Christianity does not want; (...) rather it wants to test the individual’s faith."

Soren Kierkegaard

A Penchant for Words

I love writing. You can never know what epiphany emerges from a little musing, a little writing.

I'm actually excited for my last Literature exam tomorrow! Right, I haven't 'studied' much for it at all. But I've written a lot and I've thought a lot about the views and values within the texts. I really enjoy all that. Sometimes I dislike the fact that we've to analyse and try to give meaning to a mere man's words. Sometimes it's terribly pointless. Why the heck am I studying the words of someone who probably wrote it out of a whim and without giving it much thought? I myself do the same thing. Why am I scrutinizing something when I can just enjoy it, think about it, muse over it? Why am I trying to pluck out meaning from the air?

Of all things, sometimes I really dislike studying these novels and plays. Yes, some of them do have good values and views and philosophy interwoven in them. But through many classes I sit there thinking if only I spent this much time studying GOD'S WORD. God's word is very much more worth studying. The times when I do meditate on the Word, when I do ponder over the Truth and write about it, my spirit feels nourished. Why the heck am I filling myself with mindless words, words of mere men? Yes, some of it is good, but I've got to remember first things first.

First things first. God, help me to remember You and to abide in Your truth.

The Joy of Improvisation!

Wooooo, had a very fun teaching session today! :D

It's the best thing ever teaching someone to improvise because it's like a whole new world's opened up to them that they never thought they could venture into before! I felt the same when I started to improvise and make my own melodies. And even more recently this year when I delved into the wonderful world of jazz music.

Improvising has gotta be the best thing ever about music! It's so much fun I don't even notice how much time has passed and I don't even feel like I'm teaching. It's more like I'm just sharing my music and my student is responding to it by listening and playing it back to me in his or her own way. It's such a fun thing to do. I wish I was taught to improvise from the very beginning instead of having to figure it out blindly on my own for those few years!!!

Again, listening is the core of improvising. It's being still on the inside and focusing your creative vibes to create meaningful melodies on the piano itself (or whatever instrument you play). It's hard when you first start. You don't know what fits where. And sometimes it strikes me by surprise when I play something terribly dissonant even though I had thought of something wonderful in my mind. But the trick is to make the change as quickly as you made the dissonant mistake, by hearing, internally responding, and then producing something more accurate to what you initially created in your mind's ear.

The wonderful culmination of your 'jam sessions' is the moment when you can do all that and make all those internal responses almost immediately and without hesitation or doubt that the next thing you play will sound just like you 'heard' it inside you! That's the best feeling ever because you're then unstoppable. Your creative vibes are limitless. All the wonderful, beautiful things you make up in your mind can then be smoothly translated into audible tones in the atmosphere. It is one of the most exciting and exhilirating things I have felt and will continue to feel if I keep LISTENING ACTIVELY! 

The Eleventh Hour

by Janielle Beh on Wednesday, November 2, 2011 at 12:14am.

Time is perpetually passing us by. It is a running stream we're all flowing along to. Some of us just go with it, never pausing to reflect where we're headed. But friends, this is one thing we must do!

We can't just 'let live'. There must be something we're aspiring to. Without vision, without a clear sense of direction, we've just drifting aimlessly with the current of time. How do we make sure what we're doing now is helping us stay in the right direction?

'Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity and REDEEMING THE TIME, because the days are evil.' Ephesians 5:15-16

Someone said, life is what happens when you're not making plans. True, to some extent. But it depends what kind of a life your planning to live. You really don't want to live haphazardly, waiting for the next thing to come round and in the mean time just drifting along!

Redeem the time.

Time WILL pass you by if you never harness every moment for the right things. To pursue the right things. If you don't make the effort to 'redeem' the time, you'll miss a lot of precious one-off opportunities just because you weren't paying attention to life. Don't just drift along waiting for something to catch your fancy! You've got to step out and do what you have to do as well.
It's always the 'eleventh hour' if you think about it. Well, time's always running short. You really don't have all the time in the world. Maybe except when you're on holidays.. But still!

We're on the verge of something. It's closer. We're all tempted to live our own lives and do what we'd like to do. But give life a pause, and think, if its really the eleventh hour, and time is truly short, what am I gonna do with the today God has given me?

Sometimes I don't know what and I don't know how. But you know guess what, it begins here. It begins NOW.

Believing is Seeing

If seeing is believing, then I believe the reverse is truer: believing is seeing.

Some people take a longer time to make that leap. But the leap of faith is really not all that hard if you let go and let God.

God will give each one the 'measure of faith' to believe in Him. It is hard to believe. We often think people of 'great faith' have faith because they've somehow mustered it up themselves. But that is really not the case! Faith is a gift from God.

However, people mistake that to think they can live as they please until faith calls them. No, it is still a very real CHOICE only you can make. As much as God knows all the possibilities, you still have to make that decision. You still choose.

And why would you wait till the last minute? Why not seek and ask now?

Is believing in Jesus simply about getting eternal life? Is believing in God just about getting blessings and happiness and peace?

It is all these things, and more. I know people who do not believe in God, but still live pretty purposeful lives and they're decent folks themselves. Maybe sometimes even more conscientious than some Christians. But what is it like to not know who you are in Christ? What is it like to not know your true identity, the person you are fully meant to be in Christ Jesus?

I believe in Jesus. I have experienced and still am experiencing His love and grace and truth. But I can't say that I've fully known Christ as much as I would truly like to. I'm still on my journey. That's the exciting thing though. Because then you realize that everything that happens is not haphazard and meaningless and at random. If you truly believe, you would trust in Him, and if you trust in God, you would ABIDE in Him. If you abide in Him, you will have that blessed assurance that no matter what happens, YOU'RE COVERED. Even through the worst that happens, you can continue to live with JOY, not fleeting, temporary, worldly-secured happiness. You can continue to live with thankfulness, even in the toughest moments of seeming death and hopelessness. You're covered.

Most of all, there is something about desiring to know God, and then believing in Him, that satisfies my soul craving. A lot of us have ignored this craving within us. We've temporarily snuffed it out by filling our lives with a lot of temporary, corruptible things that ultimately will not satisfy this soul craving.
Your soul craves truth and unconditional love. None of that exists in any man, any woman, or any idealogy. All of that exists in a Person who claimed to be 'the way, the truth, and the life'.

Jesus is Truth Himself. It is a radical, unthinkable statement for a mere mortal to make. He is either a lunatic, or... the real thing. And not just a mere mortal like you and me.

You see, we don't need religion. We don't need more rules and regulations. We don't need 'good' teachers. We don't need philosophy. We don't need momentary happiness.

What we do need is the Truth our soul craves. We need Someone we can trust. We need this unconditional love we're seeking for in everything we do.

You don't need to think any more about it. The truth is in the Word of God. If you're truly seeking, it's all there. And God is here. He is only waiting for you to call out to Him. And I tell you, if you are genuinely seeking the Truth, He will reveal Himself to you!

For You

I'm reading David Wilkerson's The Cross and the Switchblade and boy am I inspired and challenged! It is an amazing true story of a man who heeded the 'still, small voice' of God and left his comfort zone to venture into the dark and dangerous ghetto, violence-ravaged inner-city slums of New York City. No, certainly not where the Hollywood-like glamour is. It is far less wonderful.

How does someone heed God's voice so eagerly? And of course, despite all the opposition and troubles and discouraging bouts, David Wilkerson forged on persistently trusting in the Spirit's guidance. There were times when he made the mistake of trusting in his own abilities, and nothing worked. But when he let go, when he did his part and then freely surrendered the rest to God, life-transforming things began to take place in the lives of the hardened, hatred-filled hearts of young gang leaders and prostitutes and drug addicts and murderers.

When I read books like this I am again faced with the awful fact that we all live in such ignorance. We're happy being goody-two-shoes Christians where we are. Going to church on Sundays and being all wonderful and kind among ourselves, among people who will be kind to us in return. But how many of us truly have the 'mind of Christ', in that we see people who are in fact terrible, terrible people and yet still have compassion for them? Most people would condemn these merciless, heartless murderers and say they are deserving of hell. But would Jesus have done that?

Certainly the Bible doesn't say Jesus condemned these ones whom the rest of the law-abiding world condemned. He reached out to them. He saw what was behind all their terrible deeds, all their hurt and all the wrongs they committed. That is what makes Jesus radical. He wasn't just a 'good' teacher or prophet or rebel. He claimed to be God. He claimed to be truth and life itself. THAT is what makes Jesus Christ different. He wasn't for religion. He did not come to impose rules and regulations. He came to fulfill the law itself and in spite of his blamelessness, take the sins of the world on his shoulders.

It baffles me.

God actually cared to come Himself. He could have sent an angel, he could have done something brilliant and miraculous, he could have striked us all dead for our multitudes of wrongs. But he chose to come Himself, in person, because he 'so loved the world'.

It baffles me.

The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are BEING SAVED, it is the POWER OF GOD.

Reading David Wilkerson's story of his work - no, God's work - among the most broken and hopeless and violent young people makes me realize once again that the message of the cross is for those who NEED SAVING.

Of course, ALL OF US, yes, all of us, need saving. But it is those who realize and admit that they need saving who are able to take that leap of faith and finally surrender trust to the One in whom they were meant to trust in all along. Our Father in heaven. Yes, it makes no sense, doesn't it?

But wait till you experience the power of God sweeping through your entire being through His Holy Spirit. Yes, it makes no sense. But do not be afraid to ask, my friend! If you are truly seeking the truth, you will find Him. You will find the one you can trust because he IS the source of Truth. Truth is really a matter of trust. You only trust someone whom you know is a source of truth, not deceit. Your soul longs for this truth. Your soul craves someone to trust, and you know that no one in this world can ever fill that void, because we're all longing for the same thing that none of us have.

And so someday, you will realize that the end of you is the beginning of God. I just hope you do realize it very soon. Because when you do come to the end of you, you WILL realize that there is nothing and no one who can save you but the One who gave His life for you.

                                                                      For   y o u.